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Writer's pictureMichele Hall

My Hand at Being a Restaurant Critic

The following is definitely influenced by reading “Garlic and Sapphires’ by Ruth Reichi, the former restaurant critic of The New York Times - a book so well written, it’s delicious.


I wanted to try something a little different for Valentine’s Day. We had already heard that the best restaurant in the area (Barra Galeria de Arte & Restaurant) was completely booked. But I had seen a posting on Facebook from someone I had known from Vancouver who had created a small hotel and restaurant in the Barra area and often posted lovely pics of her place.


I thought she was in the lagoon area in Barra - but I was wrong. After hopping in a cab and telling the driver to go to Cihuatlan, I discover that the restaurant is in Playa del Coco - which is a long drive from Barra. You basically have to drive around the large lagoon and through a huge coconut plantation along bumpy, unpaved roads until the driver abruptly stops before getting stuck in the sands of the beach. We brought bathing suits and towels and had planned to go for a dip in the ocean before dinner. But it’s open ocean at Playa del Coco — not the protected bay of Barra and Melaque — and the waves hit the shore with an enormous bang, so we decided to just enjoy the view.


And the view was lovely. Virtually deserted, we sat in beach chairs with palm fronds waving above us in the the brisk breeze until the wind got too much, and we retreated to the relative protection of the restaurant.


Several people suddenly stood up from their seats and wandered into the middle of the dirt track that runs in front of the restaurant. They all stare out to sea and following their gaze, we see an enormous splash out in the water, followed by several more. Whales! Soon the entire restaurant is on their feet. For twenty minutes the show continues with whales spy hopping and breaching as they slowly move down the coast.

The setting is delightful; the decor fun and whimsical to match the name of the restaurant: La Sirena Gordita - or The Chubby Mermaid. Glass wine bottles embedded in the wall are lit from behind in the evening. The rustic tables are banged together wooden tables painted a playful blue, and the chairs thankfully are comfortable, although plastic. It was too windy for the tablecloths, the owner explains, so the attempt at more elegance was thwarted by Mother Nature. The meal arrives very slowly which is fine as the real entertainment (in addition to a talented duo of musicians serenading us) is the slowly setting sun.


We start with cocktails. I thought I’d try their Pina Colada as a break from the constant Margaritas. I realized immediately that Margaritas are almost always a better choice in Mexico and although my drink was at least made with real ingredients, not a mix, it really was too sweet and cloying for my taste. And I definitely wished Tom had not ordered a second for me as it really did taste dreadful with the salad.


The salad: was not just a disappointment, it was barely edible. The beet salad was presented prettily in heart shaped bowls on a platter with a single heart-shaped beet. I chose the blue cheese option, but that turned out to be a poor choice. Tom chose feta cheese and his salad was slightly better. But the greens were limp and there was no salad dressing. It felt like an amateur cook (or someone merely following instructions) throwing together a bunch of ingredients: spinach, cooked beets, walnuts, cheese into a bowl and calling that 'a gourmet salad'. Ugh. I couldn’t finish mine.


The house white wine - the only option if you didn’t want to order a whole bottle - was horrible. I didn’t look at the label to see where it was from, but it was dreadful and I usually find white wines quite forgiving. I thought about ordering the house red, but noticed other people also were very slowly sipping theirs and concluded that the red was probably just as bad.


The main course options were: shrimp lasagna or a beef moroccan couscous. Tom chose the first, I the second. Although I almost never eat red meat, I thought it was time to branch out. The couscous definitely was more flavourful than the lasagna (which seemed to be spiced to be child friendly). A few bits of gristle were almost to be expected at this point, and the prettily shaped couscous (molded like a sea star) was unfortunately completely lacking in flavour. A little butter and seasoning would have improved it a lot.


Dessert was either a Death by Chocolate cake or cheesecake. I opted for the Death by Chocolate. It was doused in tequila which was a fun surprise, but the cake itself was nothing compared to the exquisite chocolate cake we had had a few days earlier at La Galeria (as I said, these two restaurants are not on the same level at all).


The biggest challenge to our restaurant choice was the remote location. No answer to the phone number our taxi driver had left us with. Thank goodness, a friend of the bartender was always available to come out to Playa del Coco, even after dark, to rescue guests.


Unfortunately, the taxi showed up before our after dinner liqueurs or the bill had. Hastily tossing back our liqueurs and figuring out the tip in our hazy state, we grabbed our unused pack of bathing suits and towels and headed for our bumpy ride home. It seems that our teenage driver also excelled at practicing for the Indy car rally. Swerving to overtake slower cars, he would slide out of the oncoming lane only seconds before what looked like a sure fire head-on collision. In our inebriated state, it almost felt like fun.


I never expect fine dining in Mexico (unless we are somewhere like Mexico City or in a five star hotel), but the dinner was presented as a Valentine’s special. Obviously, a lot of work went into the planning of the meal. And obviously, it was left to a burger cook to try to pull off a fancier meal. But the price tag of the meal still came to $140 Cdn, not to mention the $50 Cdn cab ride - not the price I would expect for such a mediocre meal, particularly in this part of Mexico.


The setting was lovely: remote and serene. The ambience: friendly and welcoming. And although we were expecting no more than an average meal, in the end we were completely happy with our evening's choice. Nonetheless, I still would have liked a decent glass of wine.


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